Grace?

Grace. My Grace is sufficient.

Just when I think I have thought of every dimension of grace, I am humored to find a new one at my pride's expense. I was at work ( I teach after school art to first and second grade kids) and the kids were absolutely frustrating. I was on the brink of grabbing arms and throwing the kids in the snow with no jacket on...seriously. But I made it through the day.

I walked out and headed to the train. All I could think about was... I got frustrated today, I was bad today. I got on the train, and pulled out my book to abstain from burgeoning a downward spiral of hate for myself. In between pages I prayed, and thought... but Lord, this is what I have been praying for! Patience! Help! To be a better teacher!

I got home and shook it off, relieved my roommate basically had dinner ready. I sure could have used a beer... but we only had Budweiser (eh.)

I layed in bed that night and thought to myself... this is it! This is grace. We don't pursue God so we can be better at work, or so we won't have negative emotions. Knowing God does not rid me of being frustrated... But simply lets me know that when I do get frustrated, when I do mess up, He loves me all the same. He forgives me and even loves me in the midst of my cussing out seven year olds in my head. His grace is not confined to the moments after we suck, but it is continuously alive... even we are in our prime of screwing up!

So the beauty of knowing Jesus is not that I will no longer mess up, that my sin will miraculously disappear... but that it is okay when I mess up, because we have a Savior who is empathetic to our struggles. We have a God who died because we are going to mess up and we can rejoice when we do... because we still have Christ, we still have grace.

So let us not handle our frightful humanness with despair, but with rejoicing.

Cheers to being sinners, and having a God who loves us anyways.

Train to Salvation

"Hello to all, I am going to tell you all today about a very important thing in my life, Jesus Christ." A passionate young black man stated with his Bible in hand. He walked up and down the train, preaching about his life, how he used to be in a gang, but now that he is a Christian, he is simply a "Holy Ghost Gangsta." He spoke as if he were in church, a perfectly planned but still Spirit led sermon, on the El.

"Now some people, they say Obama is going to be president," he held his hands high, "and God willing I hope he is!!!"

I hear a faint amen in the background.

"Then they say he will be assassinated, and there will be a huge war on racism. But you know what I say?!" He looks around for a response from his audience, not disappointed at the lack of interest. " I say racism is still alive! But not for me. I don't hate blacks, I don't hate whites. OHHH no. I hate the DEVIL." And on began his 5 minute segment on the power of evil in this world, and how Jesus has already won.

Every word seemed to be a breath of scipture. He knew what he was talking about. He ended with a prayer over all of us, asking God to have mercy on us, for the salvation of our souls. This man had some guts, and I'll admit, I kind of admired him.

"God Bless you sir." An Arabic woman humbly commented. " I was saved by Jesus Christ in 1996. There is nothing more important in your life than to know Jesus. " And on she went with her testimony, and into the gospel, "Going to church, Being a moral person, none of this...nothing will get you to heaven, except belief in Jesus Christ! If you don't know Jesus, you are going to hell."

Bold. Authentic. Reality. (Me being nervous.)

It was so beautiful, to see one bold man, taking the word to the streets, or in this case train, and out of it came the encouraged woman who shared her testimony. It was so real, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit live and active in that ride, and I know that others did as well... even if they weren't able to pin-point the feeling.

And I thought about good ole Simeon and Anna in the temple. (Luke ch.3)

Simeon was a righteous old dude, who probably seemed a little crazy. He walked around procaliming he would not die until he had seen the Lord's Christ. Moved by the spirit he walks into the temple where Baby Jesus is for his parent's to offer His sacrifice. And Simeon says,
"Soverign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, A light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Isreal."

What?! Everyone probably thought he was crazy. He even walked up to Mary and Joseph and blessed Jesus. Crazy old man.

And there was Anna, who was a very old widow, she lost her husband years ago and has not left the temple since, worshiping night and day, fasting and praying. AKA crazy old woman who never left the temple... had no where to go... and was terribly skinny. She also walked up to Mary and Joseph, and gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the Messiah. She went, and ran around the temple, claiming this baby was the Messiah.

Would you believe her?! I don't know if I would...

But God used these unlikely characters, to speak through them. Luke tells us the Holy Spirit was upon them! Noone else noticed Jesus as the Son of God that day in the temple. Not the Rabbis, not the main religous people... just crazy old Simeon and Anna.

As the El was approaching my stop, I grew more and more fond of these two unlikely characters being used by God. Some might doubt their validity... train preachers, I don't know...but I say, check out the gospels... God used some wacky people to tell of his business. Why wouldn't He still?

And I got off the train, feeling more blessed than ever... phoning my friends to share the great story of Salvation I had heard on my way to work...

"Miss Rachel, do you have a husband?" Keonte asked me in the middle of class.

" Nope, not yet." I begrudgingly stated, knowing how the class of 7 year olds was going to respond.

"Miss Rachel, You need a MAN to PROtect you....Well, do you go to church?" I was on the spotlight. All eyes on me...

"Yes, I do go to church," deep down I apologized, for not being a regular church-goer, but how was I to tell 7 year old Keonte I loved Jesus and hadn't yet found my love for the church?

"Well that's good! Atleast we know you've got the LORD protectin you!"

I'm glad someone gets it...

I am so worried I have not done enough for my application for Grad School. I have applied to start a Masters Program in the fall for Art Therapy. I have sent in all of my required documents, and the interview is in two weeks. Everything that is required of me somehow does not feel like enough. Why? Why do I feel the need to be doing more?

Isn't that much like our walk with God sometimes? All that He asks of us is to simply believe (much like turning in my application.) done. That is all that is required of me. So why don't I believe that God's requirements are enough? I have read the checklist multiple times:

Believe.

Check.

Why do we make it into more than it is? Why do we add checks? So we can mark them off and see progress? We search for good things to do in hopes of earning God's favor. You know what God thinks about our righteous acts? They are like dirty rags. Filthy vomit-soaked towels from the night before. Sucks, huh? That no matter how good our acts are, they aren't good enough. Or... AWEsome, that nothing we do can make Jesus love us less. That he loves our righteous acts as much as our messy thoughts and actions. Beautiful. Unworthy.

I rack my brain for things I can do to "finish" my application. But, It is finished.

Salvation is here. I have believed. I still believe. I am believing.

I need to rest in that. Rest in the waiting room and enjoy today.
That is my job also as a believer. To do all that is required, and wait. Rest in the fact that salvation is already gauranteed. I'm in. Congratulations, University of Heaven is glad to welcome you to our program!

Let us rejoice in not having to do anything, in the fact that Grace has decided we are a good applicant for the program.

Somehow we have a distorted view of the gospel.

Distortion: God Loves me, Therefore I am Great.

Reality: How Great is He?

Tonight, I will rest in the Father's promise, That I suck and am loved for it.

Sweet.