This is what my Friday night entailed. Cutting millions of gingerbread people out of dough, then decorating them. There was a moment when I started making these cookies when I thought, yes! This is my new calling, I LOVE making cookies from cookie-cutters. Wow. And then my 5th batch came out of the oven and I looked at the lump of dough still sitting on my counter, and I started to feel the panic. I have been doing this for 3 hours, and I still have more to go, not to mention, I still have to decorate! By Midnight, I HATED gingerbread people, gingerbread children, gingerbread stars, and decorating. Who knew decorating was so hard?

How can something so wonderful become so frustrating? Hour 1 I was loving baking. I was loving gingerbread. I was even having fun. Hour 5, I wanted to dump icing on them, and scream. I started off listening to Amy Grant Christmas and ended with Elliot Smith, mourning the loss of joy. It will be years until I make Gingerbread again. Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic, but that is how I feel about the situation.

But now that I think about it, it unfortunately parallels my week fairly well, only opposite. My week started off hard, I mean maybe one of the harder weekends of my year, okay at least month. And it is finally picking up. I feel really loved... in numerous ways.

For example, I had a tough conversation on Monday. But let me start from the beginning. I was on the train heading to Evanston for my internship, attempting not to fall asleep. And I read an article for school, called "Opening Therapy to Conversations with a Personal God." And one of the questions the therapist asks her clients is : What is God like for you? If God was here right now, what would he be doing?


So on the train home I thought about it, and I asked myself the same question. If I saw God right now, what would He be doing? And I closed my eyes, and all I could see was God's arms, holding me like a baby. His arms in a U shape, me sinking into them.


I was almost home and saw this shape on the sidewalk made of snow:


When my ipod began to softly whisper,

In Christ alone
my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This cornerstone, this solid ground
firm through the fiercest drought and storm...
here in the love of Christ I stand.

My heart sank even more into the gracious arms of Christ. That moment, I knew, God was with me, right there, holding me as I sank.

Little did I know, later that night I would have a really hard conversation with a great friend. But on my way to that conversation, I remembered that moment, and I thought, whatever it is, whatever happens, I am His and He is mine... From life's first cry, till final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. And that was all I needed. I was completely prepared and held my His merciful arms.